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Ways to
Get Fired
- Day one: Start
an official sounding rumor about your boss
being considered for a big promotion. Day two:
Spread a rumor that the promotion involves
your boss heading up a new facility in
Afghanistan.
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- Whenever a co-worker
asks if you want coffee, say, "No
thanks, it doesn't mix well with thorazine."
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- Attach 10 or so
bottles of white-out to the inside of your
suit jacket. Every time you pass a co-worker,
surreptitiously open your jacket and whisper,
"I got white-out here; three bucks a
pop; good quality stuff; who needs white-out?"
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- Bring several
large mason jars to work and fill them part
way with water and yellow food coloring;
display them conspicuously around your work
space. Tell anyone who asks about them that
you are just taking part in an efficiency
study that your boss came up with to cut down
on the time employees spend away from their
desks.
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- Tell your boss
that you intend to spread out your vacation
time by taking off one minute out of every 25.
Spend all your time planning your vacations.
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- Secretly
replace the coffee your boss usually drinks
with new Folger's Crystals.
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- Keep a tally of
what your boss wears on 'casual' Friday. When
you see a pattern develop, distribute the
tally to co-workers and start a weekly pool.
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- Dress like a
pirate for the office Halloween party. Dress
like a pirate every other day of the year as
well.
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- Sign up your
boss as a volunteer for Junior Achievement,
Save The Children Foundation, Keep America
Beautiful, the local branch of the Seventh
Day Adventist Church, UNICEF, Hands Across
America, Points of Light Foundation, and the
kicker, AARP.
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- Show up hung-over,
leave drunk.
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