Occupational
Descriptions
- An accountant
is someone who knows the cost of everything
and the value of nothing.
- An auditor is
someone who arrives after the battle and
bayonets all the wounded.
- A banker is a
fellow who lends you his umbrella when the
sun is shining and wants it back the minute
it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
- An economist is
an expert who will know tomorrow why the
things he predicted yesterday didn't happen
today.
- A statistician
is someone who is good with numbers but lacks
the personality to be an accountant.
- An actuary is
someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane,
because that decreases the chances that there
will be another bomb on the plane.
- A programmer is
someone who solves a problem you didn't know
you had in a way you don't understand.
- A mathematician
is a blind man in a dark room looking for a
black cat which isn't there.
- A topologist is
a man who doesn't know the difference between
a coffee cup and a doughnut.
- A lawyer is a
person who writes a 10,000 word document and
calls it a "brief."
- A psychologist
is a man who watches everyone else when a
beautiful girl enters the room.
- A professor is
one who talks in someone else's sleep.
- A schoolteacher
is a disillusioned woman who used to think
she liked children.
- A consultant is
someone who takes the watch off your wrist
and tells you the time.
- A diplomat is
someone who can tell you to go to hell in
such a way that you will look forward to the
trip.
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