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Performance Appraisal Terms and Their Real Meanings

• Great Presentation Skills
  Able to bullshit

• Good Communication Skills
  Spends lots of time on phone

• Average Employee
  Not too bright

• Exceptionally Well Qualified
  Made no major blunders yet

• Work Is First Priority
  Too ugly to get a date

• Active Socially
  Drinks a lot

• Family Is Active Socially
  Spouse drinks, too

• Independent Worker
  Nobody knows what he/she does

• Quick Thinking
  Offers plausible excuses

• Careful Thinker
  Won't make a decision

• Aggressive
  Obnoxious

• Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs
  Gets someone else to do it

• Expresses Themselves Well
  Speaks English

• Meticulous Attention To Detail
  A nit picker

• Has Leadership Qualities
  Is tall or has a loud voice

• Exceptionally Good Judgment
  Lucky

• Keen Sense Of Humor
  Knows a lot of dirty jokes

• Career Minded
  Back Stabber

• Loyal
  Can't get a job anywhere else